What is a Father?

This is “Father’s Day” weekend.

Ironically, due to a series of circumstances, this will be the first Father’s Day that I will not be with three of my four children.

My oldest daughter and her husband just moved to Rochester, Minnesota, where he will be a physician in residency at the Mayo Clinic. My other daughter and her husband just accepted a position in youth ministry in Tampa, Florida after graduating from seminary. My oldest son, fresh from his own college graduation, is on a mission in Argentina.

(My youngest will have to take up the slack.)

Still, as a father of four and a father-in-law of two more, I feel my role much more viscerally than ever before – despite not having all of them around. 

So what IS a father? 

I’ve given that some thought of late.

When I gave my second and last daughter away through marriage, I spoke during her service about a father being someone who protected, provided, and cherished.

Once I did, I passed that baton on to her husband. 

I stand by that description. 

But there is so much more. 

Here I offer a fuller list; not simply to those parents who still have primary care of their children (just so you don’t miss anything), but also as a reminder to those children who may have forgotten just how much your father brought to bear on your life.

So, having said that, a good father is…

... one who knows that children have only one love language – time;

… one who daughters want to marry, and sons want to emulate;

… one you know will protect you and defend you;

… one who provides everything you need (but not necessarily everything you want);         

… one who is brave when you are scared;

… one who races you to the emergency room;

… one who teaches you how to treat a woman, and what you should expect from a man;

… one who cherished your mother;

… one who is stronger, and taller, than you (at least, at first);

… one who taught you how to swim, how to ride a bike, how to throw a ball, how to open a door for a woman, how to… you get it;

… one who spanked you when you deserved it, and you’re glad he did (but you never saw how much it broke his heart);

… one who taught you how to drive;

… one who set curfews;

… one who didn’t make a big deal of the things you thought he would, but did all of the things that you know, now, mattered 

… one who either stayed up late, or got up early…just to see you off;     

… one who answered your questions…one after another after another after another;

… one who said, “Oh, come on Mom, let ‘em do it”;

… one who finally said “okay” to the puppy;

… one who took you out “trick or treating” 

… one who drove you to your first day at school, your first day at college, and your first day at…;

… one who went with you to get your ears pierced (whether daughter...or son);

… one who let them braid his hair;

… one you could tell, “I kissed her!”;

… one who took you on trips;

… one who talked to you about that boy (or that girl)…

… one who paid the ticket;

… one who was a wreck walking you down the aisle, or bursting with pride waiting by your side at the altar for your bride;

… one who introduced you to God;

… one who, most of all, loved you so much he would have laid down his life for yours in a heartbeat.

And still would.

Happy Father’s Day.

From all of us Dads.  

You’ll never know how much we love you. 

Or maybe, now, you will.

James Emery White