The "Best" Religious Joke Ever

It’s official. There is a winner for the best “religious” joke of all time.

Ready? It comes courtesy of comedian Emo Philips:

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, “Don’t do it!”

He said, “Nobody loves me.”

I said, “God loves you. Do you believe in God?”

He said, “Yes.”

I said, “Are you a Christian or a Jew?”

He said, “A Christian.”

I said, “Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?”

He said, “Protestant.”

I said, “Me, too! What franchise?”

He said, “Baptist.”

I said, “Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?”

He said, “Northern Baptist.”

I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?”

He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist.”

I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?”

He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.”

I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.”

He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.”

I said, “Die, heretic!” And I pushed him over.

Yes, it’s funny. But like many jokes, only because it’s painfully close to the truth. The lack of unity around “mere Christianity,” much less the lack of civility between disagreeing Christians being played out on the internet, is one of the great public disasters of our day.

So while it may be the best religious joke ever,

… it’s no laughing matter.

James Emery White

Sources

Emo Philips, “The Best God Joke Ever—and It’s Mine!,” The Guardian, September 29, 2005, read online; for fun, watch the video on Emo’s website HERE.