All I Really Need to Know I Learned in… My First Church
Photo by Colin Maynard (Unsplash)
Years ago, Robert Fulghum wrote a bestselling book with an intriguing title: All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. It talked about playing fair, putting things back where you found them... flushing.
It was a fun book.
Reflecting on that title, it made me think of my own leadership and role as a pastor and how I could write a book titled: All I Really Need to Know I Learned in My First Church.
The first church I pastored was a county-seat Baptist church in a small town near the school where I went to seminary. As a seminary student, it felt like a big church to me—300 or so in attendance, and its staff consisted of a part-time youth minister, a part-time worship leader, a couple of administrative assistants and a groundskeeper.
The church did not, however, have a good history with pastors.
If I recall correctly, I was going to be at least their fourth pastor in less than a decade. The pastor before me had an emotional breakdown in the pulpit. They gave him a 90-day medical sabbatical, which he used to let the church know that he had accepted a position at a new church in Florida.
It seems he used his sabbatical well.
The pastor before him was told by a deacon who visited the doorstep of the parsonage one night that if he didn’t leave, he would make it so hard on him he’d have to leave.
So there I was, the young seminary kid.
And I do mean young.
“Senior” pastor?
Hardly.
I was 25 years old when I delivered my first message to that church as its leader, finding myself leading a church that left a trail of pastors’ bodies in its wake.
I served that church for a little more than three years. I carry many a scar from that time to this day. Yet it taught me some of the most important lessons I’ve ever learned in ministry—kindergarten kind of lessons like:
1. Stand up to bullies.
Almost every playground has a bully. And there’s only one way to stop a bully: stand up to them.
There was a certain man in the church who had terrorized pastors for years. He was big, burly and intimidating. He was also a “parking-lot manipulator”—talking to people before and after services, maneuvering them to his side of things. And if there wasn’t a side in play, he simply sowed seeds of dissention, division and discontent. He was a master at taking control of deacon and business meetings, bringing blindsiding to an art form.
No one had ever confronted him about his behavior before. I was young and stupid enough to be the first.
It worked.
I asked him to meet with me, and I told him that it had to end. I told him that I had talked to the former pastors of the church and that – to a person – they had named him. I told him that I really wanted to be his pastor, but that if the bullying didn’t stop, I would do whatever was needed to end it.
The church of Jesus mattered too much not to.
He broke down crying, and he was quiet from then on.
2. Pick a captain of the team, and then let them lead.
One of the biggest lessons I learned is that church structure matters. How decisions are made, who is put in charge, and then letting them lead the charge, matters.
In my first church, you had to go to a congregational business meeting to buy paper clips.
You think I’m kidding? I’m not.
It’s like recess. When you want to play a game, you need to pick teams, right? But how do you do that?
You pick captains.
That captain gets to pick. They get to lead. If they don’t do a good job, fine. Next recess, new captain. But that doesn’t mean you don’t have captains.
I’ve told many a church planter that one of the biggest reasons for the growth of Mecklenburg Community Church is its structure. Church planters will dream about a thousand things – weekend services, bands, buildings, marketing efforts – yet they seldom dream about structure.
They should, because it’s at the heart of making sure that leaders get to lead.
3. Give gold stars.
In kindergarten, do you remember seeing posters on the classroom wall that had everyone’s name listed and then categories for little gold star stickers? Maybe for being on time, lining up quickly, answering a question correctly, or just having a neat desk?
What do people get stars for in church?
In my first church, I learned that mission matters. Why? Because at that church there didn’t seem to be a clear missional target. There was no poster on the wall dictating what you could get a star for.
What were we trying to do? What were we trying to accomplish? What did it mean to get a “win”?
And the mission is the very heart of why Jesus founded His church – to see those who are far from God become fully-devoted followers of Christ.
That singular mission fuels me to this day.
4. Everyone deserves a special day.
The last lesson I’ll mention is that everyone needs a special day.
Remember what it was like to go to school on your birthday in kindergarten? Your mom may have made cupcakes for everyone. You got to go to the head of the line for lunch. You were treated special all day.
In my first church, I learned that everyone deserves a special day; maybe not with cupcakes, but with attention.
At my first church, I handled every hospital visit, every wedding, every funeral. And there was something about the visit, the personal attention, the… presence.
Granted, I now lead a church where (by necessity) that is neither my primary nor best role. It’s not even a possibility. But it is still my role to ensure that it is cared for.
What I’m trying to say is that people matter to God; therefore, they ought to matter to us. To put it bluntly, we are in the people business.
That’s easy to forget. I try to remind myself every day that I get up in the morning for
... single-parent moms,
… college students,
… hard-working parents,
… skeptics,
… divorcees,
… the unemployed,
… the sick,
… the widow,
… the … well, you get the point.
If I ever forget it’s all about the people, then I have forgotten what Jesus has called my life to be about.
And forgotten everything I ever learned in kindergarten. Or rather, my first church.
James Emery White
Editor’s Note
This blog was originally published in 2016. The Church & Culture Team thought that you would enjoy reading it again.